Saturday, May 24, 2008

I Can't Think Of A Catchy Title, I'm Too Tired

So the last couple days for Sophia and I have been a bit rough. She has had a cold this week but for some reason it really has affected her the last two days. I told you about her boycotting her afternoon nap. Well last night she decided to boycott sleeping at all. I have never been so tired in my life. Ok maybe about the same as when she was first born when I was too afraid to sleep for fear she would stop breathing in the night. (Which I blame on the horrific night I stayed at the NICU with Sophia the night before she was to come home. The jist of the situation was that her little heart monitor kept going off, me frantically pushing the nurse call button. The monitor saying heart rate too low and then flashing zero. Me having a mental breakdown. Nurses running in and checking things out saying she is ok. Me still having a mental breakdown on the inside. No sleep. So afraid. Collapsing into my husbands arms when he arrived at the hospital next day and having another meltdown. The Dr. came to visit us and decided that it was probably the leads (the little sticky pads that they put on the body that connect to the monitors) were probably on wrong and the nurses should have taken them off. The nurse telling me unless your baby is blue she is fine. Which surprisingly made me feel better. Hence when we were at home me checking to see if she was blue in the middle of the night about every 10 minutes.)

Ok I didn't mean to go off on a rant about that horrible night. Ok back to what I was originally talking about oh yes..I'm tired. Sophia decided she needed to be held ALL night long and as soon as I put her down she would instantly wake and cry so hard. Broke my heart. So I slept with Sophia in her baby sling (just in case my arms gave out) in her rocker semi upright ALL night long. She would wake up every hour or so cry, check that I was still there and go back to sleep. It was a long night. I am not sure if it was her cold or maybe teething? I have no idea. She is sleeping at the moment and I take that as a good sign for the night. I should really be sleeping right now or getting ready for bed at least. I drank too much Diet Pepsi today. My one source of caffeine and my crazy addiction. I hate it I love it I can't live without it. Yet I am going to. I am going to give up my liquid evil. I need to give it up. I am going to try and completely change my eating habits. I try so hard to be a good girl and fail miserably every time. I love food. I love bad food. I love good food. I read an inspirational little book, an eye opening book recently and am going to really try and live this new lifestyle. I just want to feel healthier. I want more energy. I want to be the healthy happy beautiful person that I know I am deep down inside. The book I read? It has a crazy name. Close your ears it's called 'Skinny Bitch'. (Sorry Grampa). The title is really misleading. It has a really no nonsense approach of telling you how it is. It is a vegetarian/vegan book. Reading about the meat industry made me cry a little. I had no idea. I am not a hippy dippy (although I tried to be in high school) I just want to be conscientious and aware of what I choose to eat. Anyways it is still a new thought for me. What they said really affected me and I'm going to make some changes. I want Sophia to be as healthy as possible and I want her mommy to be just as healthy.

This post was soo not where I was going. I was going to write some new factoids on Sophia BUT got a little distracted. I will do that post soon. For now thanks for listening and here are a couple self portraits from Sophia and I.


amanda said...

oh how i feel your pain friend. (not the nicu pain - but seriously that must have been awful!!) but the i am so tired please for the love of peter pan make my baby sleep kinda pain. it hurts.

it's so crazy that they can sleep so good for nights in a row and then something just clicks and they have an awful night??

so i send you love and hugs and wishes for a good nights rest!

btw - the pics are adorable :)

Jen said...

First of all, those are beautiful pictures! I hope Sophia is sleeping better.

Now, on to the evil liquid. I can totally relate. For me, it is Coke Zero. I just can't stop drinking it. I know it is terrible for me, but it is sooooo good. Thanks for the book recommendation. I'll have to check it out. Did you know that Oprah is doing the whole vegan thing? I doubt I could do it, but I guess anything is possible if you put your mind to it.

Becks said...

I had no idea Oprah was going vegan. I am so cool. Day 3 with no Diet Pepsi and it hurts! I want a big ol' glass right now. Deep breaths.